If you are feeling coerced or pressured into casual sex, then this is probably not in your best interest. While many people think of casual sex as the “perfect” free, casual, carefree way of dating — if it isn’t that, it is too casual for your liking. And if you are having sex because you think you are obligated to do so or what your partners want from you, then consider yourself not in control of your sexuality.
And if you find yourself in a situation where the sexual act is involuntary, consider the person with whom you’re having it — perhaps they do not truly consent to your actions and you would be playing with fire if they did. The best way to avoid being a sex-object in this case is to opt to reject having sex with others entirely (this is called “unattached sexuality”).
Realizing that casual sex is not always good for you goes beyond the sexual realm. It is important to recognize that casual sex, if it is part of a relationship, isn’t always healthy, either. You may feel guilty because you think you’re selfish or a dick for what you did, but that is not the reality. You are not being selfish if you got lucky and sleep with someone who won’t even consider someone who got out of your way.
Adopting that mentality towards casual sex may, on the other hand, cause you to lose friendships and lead you to seeking casual sex with people who are high on the status and power spectrum. Meeting these people at all costs may not be the best of decisions.
Many people believe that casual sex is the only way to have sex outside the typical, committed relationship. Perhaps you’ve heard the saying “No strings attached” on the bedroom tip: If you are going to be with someone, you shouldn’t expect sex for the next 30 years (depending on the exact variation and spelling of this phrase).
But, this is not to say that casual sex is always the wrong choice for you. Instead, you may find yourself settling for whatever free labor you can get out of friends. Sometimes, the cost of giving yourself away is a bit of reputation as being the “dirty little secret” among friends and acquaintances.
People do many things for casual sex because they find it fulfilling, not because it’s the only way to go. When casual sex is approached the right way, it can be the only way
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“The new adventure is exciting because it allows more opportunities for a person to expand their potential and give them a greater sense of happiness than the static old-fashioned committed relationship could provide,” says the author of Insatiable: The Seven Principles of a Woman’s Love and Desire. “If you want stability, then you should be finding the right person to be your companion and companionate partner — there’s a difference.”
This difference is important because a part of casual sex-loving is the freedom to choose. To do what feels good and what you actually enjoy. When done right, this experience of experimentation and self-discovery — it can become an empowering alternative to the usual dating experience.
How to spot a casual hookup is well, actually, probably the least of your problems. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably already started making some pretty blasé or easily dismissible judgments before you let the first man or woman into your life. The first thing to keep in mind is the difference between a good casual encounter versus an amazing one. The answer you’re looking for in the former could be: “he kind of looks like that guy from Workaholics” while the latter will be “you know that guy who saved me from drowning in the lake? He’s totally cute — what’s his email?”
The stigma surrounding casual sex is a conversation for another day. But the casual hookup culture’s most redeeming aspect isn’t being able to casually meet and hook up with any person you like, but the fast-paced and convenient spontaneity of it. When done right, casual sex, or as it’s often referred to: “hooking up,” can be the most fulfilling experience of the moment. There is a lasting feeling of novelty and adventure — something that most love relationships aren’t able to provide.
As for sex ed, sorry to ruin it all, but there are things you can do to boost your odds of STI-free, easily-addressed sex.
Here are 7 ways you can prevent STIs and other icky consequences with your next casual fling.
1. Get tested. Go to your gyno’s or go to the chlamydia testing mobile app to find out what you should and should not be doing with your new numero. It’s true that not every situation is one to include condoms (gynecological examinations, for example), but you should have some protection down.
The same goes for oral sex. The risks of STIs —
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